another year...why marriage works.

wow, has it really been 4 months since I last posted?!?! I guess I can officially hang up the title that I'm a "blogger"...ha! 

 I guess because the hubs and I just celebrated another year together, I find myself thinking about this more lately. 

I also thought about it as we drove home yesterday from our little get away. I said.. "you know, we're gonna have to fight harder to stay together..." to which he replied..."I know..."



Good. We're on the same page. 



A friend texted me over the weekend and part of her text read..."I'm not disillusioned to think it's perfect(talking about our marriage), but it's evident that God is first and it is blessed..." humbling and encouraging.... whew! I'm glad she sees it as not perfect, because we are not perfect. And I'm convinced in all of our imperfections of life, His perfection shines and is shown. 

I've wondered when I might be "qualified" to write on such a topic. I still don't think I'm "qualified" , and if I were given the opportunity to sit at the feet of a couple that has been married double our marriage time, I would take every opportunity to listen to their wisdom....so with that , this is for you newly weds....

This is why I know marriage works.


I know it works, because when we said "I do".....we had no idea what marriage was really going to look like. 

I know it works, because when we said "I do" I didn't know Tim wasn't going to be able to fulfill all my needs...and vice versa....

I know it works, because when we said "I do", Tim didn't know he was going to have to help his wife get through her "daddy issues"....

I know it works, because when we said "I do" I didn't know there would be a time I would want to just walk away or ignore each other when it got tough. 

I know it works, because when we said "I do", we didn't know that we'd have yelling matches that would last into the wee hours of the morning.

I know it works, because when we said "I do", I didn't know my husband would look me in the face one day and tell me "if you walk out that door, then I will too..." 

I know it works, because when we said "I do", I didn't know that one day, I'd view my husband... the one I looked in the eyes at that alter; the one that made me have butterflies, plan big dreams together, my hero, my lover.....I didn't know that one day I'd view him as my enemy. 

I know it works, because years ago, that husband....my husband, looked me in the eyes and said "I am NOT your enemy....I am FOR you, I am FOR us.".... and those few words, rocked my perspective forever.....


I know it works, because when we said "I do", it's wasn't the only time we said it 17 years ago...it was only the first time we said it.

I know it works, because we say "I do", every single day. No, we HAVE to say it every.single.day. 

But not what was said 17 years ago.... "I, Katie, take thee, Tim, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you."

But more like, "I, Katie, take thee, Tim, every.single. day, to be my husband, my companion, my best friend, my accountability partner, my only lover..... to have and to hold, every.single.day. For times in battle, for times in temptation, for times when we fight struggles that make us want to quit..... when we question each others motives... when we struggle in our sin....when we try to find fulfillment in each other or others, and not Christ. To love, cherish and honor each other.... to point each other to Christ... to view each other as our biggest fan, our proudest supporter; a partner in the crazy life that lies ahead...to make time for each other when time is not available.... to fight for greater purpose. To praise each other big time, but our God bigger. To make decisions together. To listen in our struggles; to fight through each of them and not push each other away.  To serve together and not stray far from each other. To not give opportunity for something to come between us. To hold each other in high respect and value so that we may keep trust. To always strive to stay true to the word, and listen to God's calling for us....and when one strays the other is used to bring him/her back. To view our only enemy as Satan and not each other. That our marriage would be bold, raw and always in need of a Savior; and when we fail in these areas, walk in forgiveness and look for God's grace and mercy to redeem and sustain us. "

This is why I know marriage works. Because it's a choice to say "I do", every.single.day. 

I do, Tim Pilcher, I do. God is good. I Love you. 

The Struggle is Real....take time to breathe.

There was one point in my life, that I contemplated on writing a book.....

THANK God, I didn't ever write one.


I'm sure I'd look back and be Smh(that's an acronym for Shaking My Head....I've just recently learned that...) on half or more of what I would have written...

That is the beauty of aging....You either get wiser, or you get dumber. Hopefully, we're all leaning on the wiser end.

I'm still very much my youth and have boocoodles to learn, but now that I have a few years of some things under my belt, I've experienced several stages of marriage....and as I write this, you and myself are in one of them.





I've learned that raising people is hard. Every single step of the way. Every one.  Tim and I have the....hmmmmm.... let's call it "crazy" blessing of raising a toddler, approaching middle school child, and two high schoolers....all girls. To say that our home is a gigantic mood swing, would be an understatement......God Bless, Tim Pilcher.....I love that man...

When we were starting the process of adoption, many people thought we were crazy...no really. We had people tell us "why would we want to possibly hinder our 'perfect' family??"... I think it's safe to say, that at that point a couple years ago that, #1. we weren't perfect (and never will be), but #2. we did have more of our crap together. Which is one reason I write this today.


I've shared before of my struggling in our early part of marriage with perfectionism...how I literally had to mop our white linoleum floors (those are of the devil if you have children, BTW....) every night before bed...if that tells you anything. God had to do some major work in my life at that time to free me of that struggle. Not the clean floors, but the control of getting them clean.....keeping them clean....and letting that clean floor give me that sense that because they were spotless, my life could be also. I had it under control...until the juice spilled, or the plate of spaghetti dropped. Kind of like life....it all seems fine and sparkly clean until in a matter of minutes you feel like all the shit hit the fan...

Since adopting Hope, I've had some of those old feelings creep back in....at times I honestly have to walk away, close a door and tell myself "Jesus fills your cup, Katie..." over and over again. If I don't....beware of mama bear. Juggling 4 lives....4 individuals, 4 schedules, 4 tender hearts.... can have you in severe panic/survival mode...the worst mode I could ever want to be in, but a ride I have ridden more then once in our marriage.

I'm getting a more clear understanding of why marriages fall apart during these years....

A friend posted a question on FB about what a mom would want to do with an hour all to herself...what gets her recharged for the next day...heck, the next few minutes. I responded with needing to just BREATHE...


I would love the paint my nails that have been neglected forever, clean my floors, take a bath, take a nap, go shopping...but in all honesty...I need breath to be filled back in me.


For many people it could be different, but when I came across this article floating around , I could totally relate. I've sworn on this piece of writing forever. The most help (at least through these many years) that Tim Pilcher can be to me is getting me out of the house for some new breath....to take me and date me. To want time with me. And that takes work. Four lives....four souls....not including our own. They all tick tock to a fine tuned schedule. Every day is filled with something. Every day, there will be an expectant though. Every day there will be another mountain to climb, whether it be the unexpected stomach bug that hits your home, the family member that gets cancer, the car that won't start, or the other tennis shoe that can't be found....

Through each and every circumstance, whatever it may be...one of the number one things that I believe will help us and the next generation, is seeing Christ lived out in our marriages. And that is a hard pill to swallow sometimes....but one of the most rewarding acts to be apart of.

Christ died for His church. Sacrificed and gave for His bride. Commitment isn't just fulfilling an obligation...it's engaging in it. It's to hold fast to something....to not let it go.... Life can make that so hard to not only keep, but to flourish it. To not be just room mates, but to be ONE.


This morning I got a call from the hubs asking me to dinner tonight. To know the preparation it will take to go out tonight, the jerseys that will need to be washed for tomorrow's game, the deadline on the project, the babysitter you have to line up, the patch that will need to be sewn on the Tae Kwon Do uniform, the grocery store run, the dinner prepared for your kids so you don't feel guilty for them eating cereal for dinner three nights in a row, or the shower you want to get so you at least SMELL attractive to your spouse... IT'S HARD MAMAS, I hear ya!! It.is.hard.





 But I'm telling ya...GO, it is worth it....GO! If you don't keep making time for your spouse, you will slowly lose your spouse.....It won't even seem purposely that you did, but because you weren't purposeful with them, it was.



One time, I was so tired for a date night out, that we ordered in...we locked ourselves in the bedroom....next thing ya know, Tim is taking the plate of food off of my lap....yep, I fell asleep while eating it...true story.... at least we tried. So, I get it Mamas....I really DO get it...

We're in a season, but every single stage of life is a new season... to each, a new or different challenge...It's worth the fight through it, and for it though. I know one day, our kids will thank us for it.

because He lives.....

Because He redeems. Because He gives hope. Because He is the life and the reason I sing. Because the troubles of this world weigh me down, I look to Him. Because His will is perfect. Because He gave His life for me.






Because He gives me His light to shine. May I shine it bright for the world to see......







because as marriages crumble around me, may I never forget "He conquered the grave".....

Below is Archived from May 2012-

WEDNESDAY, MAY 16, 2012

temptations

 I feel like over the last month the beautiful gift God gave as Marriage has both encouraged me, and brought heaviness at the very same time.


I hope you have gathered from little glimpses of this blog how important I feel about Marriage, and how the destruction of it leaves a trail of issues that doesn't just affect the two people that said "I do".


I started thinking about statistics a few years ago when it was brought to my attention how just in our city alone, the divorce rate was painfully high, and I believe was the highest in the State of Alabama at the time. I would cringe at the thought that one of my three friends would go through a divorce, not to mention, my marriage being apart of that statistic.

Then as life continued on, and statistics would rise, I would fight against Satan, as he would discourage me into thinking that because I watched marriages fall apart around me with peers, I should question the stability of all my family. After all, we carry a past that brings those statistics to light. And statistics don't lie...or do they?


If I were to tell you how many times I have thought about my own children's future in marriage being so completely challenging verses being one of the most precious gifts God would bless them with, then it would be embarrassing.


It started when I held on to the numbers, and the fear that they would not find a husband without a deep past, and baggage for them, started to weigh me down. I realized that fear, was a sin that was being used to distract me from the tools I could be using to teach them because of the statistics, not in spite of them.


I think it is okay to mourn sin, and I am glad I do. But for me, it was when the mourning of sin, became the fear of it, that caused me to not hold on to the truth that God's perfect will for my children's life was indeed perfect. Or that His Son's death on the cross, could redeem any situation.

And isn't that just the very way we got those statistics in the first place, by questioning God's will for us, and not believing Christ's blood could redeem?


This very knowledge in the depths of how much we crave control and happiness in our lives, was brought to me when I heard a teaching on Adam and Eve. We have all been taught, from a young age about the disobedience that occurred in the garden; but that is where I thought the sin took place. My eyes were truly opened, when I was shown and realized, that something had to happen before the disobedience occurred. Yes, the serpent tempted Eve, but before she took the fruit, she questioned God's perfect will for her life. She had to have actually thought, that there was something better for her if she took it. And so she did,  and I so often do the same.



In Church, we just finished the series I shared about in the post I did on The Talk. It was designed to target singles, but it encouraged me so much. It strengthened me with the encouragement to continue to persevere in raising my children with purpose. God does have a will for their life. God's will for them is good. It is perfect. I shouldn't fear it, whatever it may be. I should trust that it is far more then I could ever hope for, because He loves them far more then I ever could. And I should pray for His will to be done in their life, not mine, not theirs, but His.

We aspire to raise our children in truth, in believing that what He has for them, is what is perfect for them. Even in tough times, even in the depths. Because what He will do with it will bring joy to their lives, and fill their souls, if they just believe it to be true and hold on to it; instead of sacrificing it to the mundane, temporary happiness that the world offers them with a piece of fruit.

May we rest in His will for our lives, and flee from the temptations to question it.



To God be the Glory.

1 Corinthians 15 New International Version The Resurrection of Christ 1Now, brothers and sisters, I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand. 2By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain. 3For what I received I passed on to you as of first importancea : that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, 4that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, 5and that he appeared to Cephas,b and then to the Twelve. 6After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers and sisters at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep. 7Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles, 8and last of all he appeared to me also, as to one abnormally born. 9For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. 10But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me. 11Whether, then, it is I or they, this is what we preach, and this is what you believed. The Resurrection of the Dead 12But if it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? 13If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. 14And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. 15More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. 16For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. 17And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. 18Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. 19If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied. 20But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. 21For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. 22For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. 23But each in turn: Christ, the firstfruits; then, when he comes, those who belong to him. 24Then the end will come, when he hands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power. 25For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. 26The last enemy to be destroyed is death. 27For he “has put everything under his feet.”c Now when it says that “everything” has been put under him, it is clear that this does not include God himself, who put everything under Christ. 28When he has done this, then the Son himself will be made subject to him who put everything under him, so that God may be all in all.

Because He lives, we live. If you do not have a place of worship in community, please join us this Sunday at Wiregrass Church. Click the link I just posted for directions and times of service. Message me with any questions @ kcpilcher(at)gmail(dot)com.

Be Blessed and Encouraged! :)

temptations

 I feel like over the last month, the beautiful gift God gave as Marriage has both encouraged me, and brought heaviness at the very same time.


I hope you have gathered from little glimpses of this blog, how important I feel about Marriage, and how the destruction of it leaves a trail of issues, that doesn't just affect the two people that said "I do".


I started thinking about statistics a few years ago when it was brought to my attention, how just in our city alone, the divorce rate was painfully high, and I believe, was the highest in the State of Alabama at the time. I would cringe at the thought that one of my three friends would go through a divorce, not to mention, my marriage being apart of that statistic.

Then as life continued on, and statistics would rise, I would fight against Satan, as he would discourage me into thinking that because I watched marriages fall apart around me with peers, I should question the stability of all my family. After all, we carry a past that brings those statistics to light. And statistics don't lie...or do they?


If I were to tell you how many times I have thought about my own children's future in marriage being so completely challenging verses being one of the most precious gifts God would bless them with, then it would be embarrassing.


It started when I held on to the numbers, and the fear that they would not find a husband without a deep past, and baggage for them, started to weigh me down. I realized that fear, was a sin that was being used to distract me from the tools I could be using to teach them because of the statistics, not in spite of them.


I think it is okay to mourn sin, and I am glad I do. But for me, it was when the mourning of sin, became the fear of it, that caused me to not hold on to the truth that God's perfect will for my children's life was indeed perfect. Or that His Son's death on the cross, could redeem any situation. 

And isn't that just the very way we got those statistics in the first place, by questioning God's will for us, and not believing Christ's blood could redeem?


This very knowledge in the depths of how much we crave control and happiness in our lives, was brought to me when I heard a teaching on Adam and Eve. We have all been taught, from a young age, about the disobedience that occurred in the garden; but that is where I thought the sin took place. My eyes were truly opened, when I was shown and realized, that something had to happen before the disobedience occurred. Yes, the serpent tempted Eve, but before she took the fruit, she questioned God's perfect will for her life. She had to have actually thought, that there was something better for her if she took it. And so she did,  and I so often do the same.



In Church, we just finished the series I shared about in the post I did on The Talk. It was designed to target singles, but it encouraged me so much. It strengthened me with the encouragement to continue to persevere in raising my children with purpose. God does have a will for their life. God's will for them is good. It is perfect. I shouldn't fear it, whatever it may be. I should trust that it is far more then I could ever hope for, because He loves them far more then I ever could. And I should pray for His will to be done in their life, not mine, not theirs, but His.

We aspire to raise our children in truth, in believing that what He has for them, is what is perfect for them. Even in tough times, even in the depths. Because what He will do with it, will bring joy to their lives, and fill their souls, if they just believe it to be true and hold on to it; instead of sacrificing it to the mundane, temporary happiness that the world offers them with a piece of fruit.

May we rest in His will for our lives, and flee from the temptations to question it.



To God be the Glory.