Monday, April 16, 2012

THE talk....

Warning: this is a talk about THE TALK. You know, the one that parent's dread talking to their kiddos about. The one parents purchase books on, "how to" talk to their kids about. And the one some parents don't even talk to their kids about. So if you find this topic sightly offensive, you may want to turn off your computer, but  I suggest you read on, because This Talk will be one of the most important talks you have with your children, and I suggest you not miss that opportunity.

First, let me state, that I have shared this story a few times, and have gotten a couple brow raises. I have thought about sharing this multiple times with you all, but because of those eye raises, was discouraged to do so. Then at church yesterday, they were introducing the next series we are going to go through starting next week, and when the words "No one wants to talk about it" came up on the screen, followed by "until now". That was all it took. Yep, we're talking about Love, Sex and Dating, and I couldn't be more thrilled that this topic is going to be discussed in church. It gave me that conviction and encouragement, that if I believe what I said to be true, I should share.

With that-

 Here we go....

I was was truly one of those parents. I started thinking about it when the girls were really young. Like, 6 years old young. All the questions flooded in. When do I tell them? How do I tell them? How much detail should I give? When do I start? Do I tell them in stages? What books do I need to read? HELP!!!!

The MOST important thing for Tim and I on this topic, was that we would be the first ones to introduce our children to the knowledge behind Sex.

I so badly, and I tell you, BADLY, wanted to be the first to share that information with our children. I didn't want them hearing it from someone else; and I surely didn't want them to have that first glimpse into this life changing moment for them to be misconstrued by a 10 year old. First impressions are not called first impressions for no reason. It will be what stays with them forever. Not to mention, Tim and I truly believe that if we are the first ones to tell our kids anything and truthfully, they will respect us, and our relationship with them will be built on trust and truth.

So, I did what a lot of you have done. I asked mother's with teenagers, I asked for books, I asked for advise,  I wanted to know their experiences.

But I will tell you what it was. We prayed, A LOT, over this, and  the Lord knew my heart and He so graciously gave us timing.

I had a hysterectomy when Jillian was 6 years old, so the girls have not been through the "time of the month" with me from what they remember. So one Saturday morning a couple years ago, I crawled in the bed with the big girls and felt the Lord's leading on timing and words, to share about a period. I stuck with the medical reasoning and terms, and answered their questions, and that was that. It was perfect. God is so Good.

Then, it seemed over the next year, I would question so often. Is now the time, is now the time, is NOW the time?

I had heard NUMEROUS ways of sharing, including from books, but NOTHING seemed to be the way I wanted to share.

Then one night Tim and I had a conversation about it being time. We also, came into agreement, that it should come from both of us.

This is where the eyebrows from others were raised.

We totally chose to rebel against the traditional way of,  Daddy's tell the boys and Mama's tell the girls; and these are some reasons why-

When a boy is acting inappropriately with our girls, I personally would prefer our girls to be more comfortable with sharing that info with their father for guidance and protection, rather them being embarrassed by it and me being the mediator in this problem solving issue.

We needed our girls to see we were together on this. That we both agree, so that when we correct their inappropriate behavior or they have troubles later in life, it will be more impactful.

Not to mention, we wanted them to know that Sex is Good, God created it. It is saved for Marriage. It is something shared beautifully together, a gift from God for a husband and wife.

Then the flood gate of questions opened, and bible story after bible story came to their minds, and they truly saw how the story of King David and the like unfolded. And so, we started from Adam and Eve. 

We then shared the importance of it, and shared the destruction of it. The seriousness of it, the baggage that is carried by the disobedience of it.  How the world has corrupted this Good thing that God created. How divorce so often happens.

I can't praise God enough for his timing on this. The words He gave us. There was no awkwardness, and why should there be. For Sex IS a good thing, and our children should know the real meaning behind it. They should hear it from us. It shouldn't be so private coming from the parents, with whispers, the blushing; those only come when it is contaminated, when we think there is something wrong with it, and we are embarrassed by it.

I can not express the importance I feel about parents talking with their children. Not just about Sex, although I think it very important, but life in general.

 Unfortunately, relationships of any kind, have become disposable to mine and our children's generation. A person is simply not placed on this earth to meet YOUR needs. If we can teach our children that; and that we are to serve others as Christ himself served us, then we could change the climbing statistics of teen pregnancy, domestic violence and divorce (to name a few) in this nation.

We are about to embrace the most challenging years of child rearing from what I hear, and I can feel it coming. We are far from perfect parents, we are far from sinless acts in the parenting department, our children are far from sinless children, and I fail in so many areas that I pray is redeemed by the Lord's mercy and grace daily. But, I am truly thankful we chose to not miss opportunities to share important information with our children. Important information, that they know is important, and that they know they are important, and that is why we want to be the ones sharing it with them.

I am excited about this new series in Church. I don't know what all it holds with sharing information and truth, but I hope it encourages parents to talk to their kids, is used to redeem situations from acts of disobedience, that statistics will change because of it, and God will be Glorified through it.


Jessica said...

i've thought about this already. I've been praying for Anna Lee and Mac's spouses's since the day they were born and this kind of followed up that prayer. I'm so glad you shared this. I haven't given thought to have "the talk" yet since our daily dilemmas or more about wanting more root beer rather than eating her dinner but I'm glad to have this info in my back pocket. I REALLY like the idea of being the first ones to talk to them about it - I never thought about "beating society to the punch" but you said it best when you said that first impressions definitely carry a lot of weight. I also really like the idea of you and Tim tag teaming it. GREAT decision on multiple levels. I'm glad there was no awkwardness but I'm sure it would have helped a lot to have him in there with you if that "uhhh" moment arrived. Thanks for the advice :)

kristen said...

I am SO glad you posted this! After hearing some stuff from a friend, she has been asking some questions and of course, I have been stressing. I love the idea that you two talked to them together. This encouraged me so much. Thanks for sharing!

Christie said...

There is so much truth in all that you have written and I am so thankful that you and Tim acted together in introducing such a beautiful, God-ordained topic to your precious children. I told my youth on multiple occasions that if we couldn't talk about sex at church, something wad terribly wrong. Hence, we had several talks during my years about God's plan for that part of their life.

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