THANK God, I didn't ever write one.
I'm sure I'd look back and be Smh(that's an acronym for Shaking My Head....I've just recently learned that...) on half or more of what I would have written...
That is the beauty of aging....You either get wiser, or you get dumber. Hopefully, we're all leaning on the wiser end.
I'm still very much my youth and have boocoodles to learn, but now that I have a few years of some things under my belt, I've experienced several stages of marriage....and as I write this, you and myself are in one of them.
I've learned that raising people is hard. Every single step of the way. Every one. Tim and I have the....hmmmmm.... let's call it "crazy" blessing of raising a toddler, approaching middle school child, and two high schoolers....all girls. To say that our home is a gigantic mood swing, would be an understatement......God Bless, Tim Pilcher.....I love that man...
When we were starting the process of adoption, many people thought we were crazy...no really. We had people tell us "why would we want to possibly hinder our 'perfect' family??"... I think it's safe to say, that at that point a couple years ago that, #1. we weren't perfect (and never will be), but #2. we did have more of our crap together. Which is one reason I write this today.
I've shared before of my struggling in our early part of marriage with perfectionism...how I literally had to mop our white linoleum floors (those are of the devil if you have children, BTW....) every night before bed...if that tells you anything. God had to do some major work in my life at that time to free me of that struggle. Not the clean floors, but the control of getting them clean.....keeping them clean....and letting that clean floor give me that sense that because they were spotless, my life could be also. I had it under control...until the juice spilled, or the plate of spaghetti dropped. Kind of like life....it all seems fine and sparkly clean until in a matter of minutes you feel like all the shit hit the fan...
Since adopting Hope, I've had some of those old feelings creep back in....at times I honestly have to walk away, close a door and tell myself "Jesus fills your cup, Katie..." over and over again. If I don't....beware of mama bear. Juggling 4 lives....4 individuals, 4 schedules, 4 tender hearts.... can have you in severe panic/survival mode...the worst mode I could ever want to be in, but a ride I have ridden more then once in our marriage.
I'm getting a more clear understanding of why marriages fall apart during these years....
A friend posted a question on FB about what a mom would want to do with an hour all to herself...what gets her recharged for the next day...heck, the next few minutes. I responded with needing to just BREATHE...
I would love the paint my nails that have been neglected forever, clean my floors, take a bath, take a nap, go shopping...but in all honesty...I need breath to be filled back in me.
For many people it could be different, but when I came across this article floating around , I could totally relate. I've sworn on this piece of writing forever. The most help (at least through these many years) that Tim Pilcher can be to me is getting me out of the house for some new breath....to take me and date me. To want time with me. And that takes work. Four lives....four souls....not including our own. They all tick tock to a fine tuned schedule. Every day is filled with something. Every day, there will be an expectant though. Every day there will be another mountain to climb, whether it be the unexpected stomach bug that hits your home, the family member that gets cancer, the car that won't start, or the other tennis shoe that can't be found....
Through each and every circumstance, whatever it may be...one of the number one things that I believe will help us and the next generation, is seeing Christ lived out in our marriages. And that is a hard pill to swallow sometimes....but one of the most rewarding acts to be apart of.
Christ died for His church. Sacrificed and gave for His bride. Commitment isn't just fulfilling an obligation...it's engaging in it. It's to hold fast to something....to not let it go.... Life can make that so hard to not only keep, but to flourish it. To not be just room mates, but to be ONE.
This morning I got a call from the hubs asking me to dinner tonight. To know the preparation it will take to go out tonight, the jerseys that will need to be washed for tomorrow's game, the deadline on the project, the babysitter you have to line up, the patch that will need to be sewn on the Tae Kwon Do uniform, the grocery store run, the dinner prepared for your kids so you don't feel guilty for them eating cereal for dinner three nights in a row, or the shower you want to get so you at least SMELL attractive to your spouse... IT'S HARD MAMAS, I hear ya!! It.is.hard.
But I'm telling ya...GO, it is worth it....GO! If you don't keep making time for your spouse, you will slowly lose your spouse.....It won't even seem purposely that you did, but because you weren't purposeful with them, it was.
One time, I was so tired for a date night out, that we ordered in...we locked ourselves in the bedroom....next thing ya know, Tim is taking the plate of food off of my lap....yep, I fell asleep while eating it...true story.... at least we tried. So, I get it Mamas....I really DO get it...
We're in a season, but every single stage of life is a new season... to each, a new or different challenge...It's worth the fight through it, and for it though. I know one day, our kids will thank us for it.
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