Trusting....

don't get too excited....I probably will never blog back to back again....but who knows.

I've sculpted a little bit of time this week for myself, so I'm finding myself in front of the screen.

to be honest, I've carried bags under my eyes for weeks. There are things going on in several precious friend's lives that have brought random streams of tears through out any given moment or time of day....

The "why does bad things happen to good people" statement has echoed through the walls of many in their path.

 Anger towards God has been a discussion. Doubt of His goodness has been questioned. "Why" has been asked too many times to count.



I find myself searching for scripture that brings peace and encouragement... sometimes I'm filled with many, and other times I come up pure blank.

Sometimes it's okay not to know all the answers. Sometimes it's okay to wrestle with truth. Each and every time these emotions rise in me, I'm reminded that it is my flesh battling the great truth. I'll find myself talking with our children in their own trials. I find myself saying..."You have to understand, I can see in front of you because I have been behind you. I've walked that path. Everything your father and I do, is because we want greatness for you. Everything we do for and teach you, is so that you will be guided in a direction that will bring God glory and lessen pain for you. Everything we do and say is to help you, to hopefully bring you a better future, to make a clear path for you....you have to just trust me. Just trust me."

And there it is.....



Trust.

Funny how it will hit you like a ton of bricks to hear words come out of your own mouth that you think God is using for someone else and then you realize, maybe...but it was also used to open your heart to what He was trying to show you.


Trust.


Isn't that really all our God is speaking to us each of us, every.single.day.You will not know. You can not see. You will not understand. BUT..... I do. I can, I will.


Trust me.

Pain is real. It's deep. I hope I never take someone's pain lightly. I hope that it continues to bring bags under my eyes. I hope tears of pain continue to stream. Because where there are streams, then there has to be life. There has to be something that blossoms from the tears. There just has to be. I have to trust that. I have to carry that hope and rest in that trust.

I've been on this Charles Spurgeon kick lately....call me a geek, nerd, whatever....I just find that looking up his words of wisdom just brings some clearer picture of the truth that I've read time and time again in the word.
I've added a few of them, to this blog via Google Images so that they might be used to bring encouragement to you, as you might be battling truth in your own life.

May we rejoice in our trials, for they will be used to tell of His great love for us....and may we trust him with our fragile souls....

testing one, two...testing one, two...

it's like a mic check...I'd almost forgotten my login and password it has been so long since I was last here. Just feeling the keys under my fingertips bring such happiness.



Weird, I know. I wish I could be here more, but life is full. Who would've thought adding another kid would change things?!?! Who would've thought having 4 kids would take up time?!?! Who would've thought that when a mother has spare time, she prefers showering or researching how to get rid of razor burn?!?! Who would've thought?!?!






Life is full. I'm tired, energized, overwhelmed, relaxed, happy, content, thankful and crazy, all bundled up in one.






The "big" girls are finishing up their Freshman year at Northview. They make us proud. We've had some good, hard, easy, loving, hurtful, funny and sad conversations all bundled up in one this year. Just the other night as I talked with them I got a bigger glimpse of their future. I will be sad when they leave our home, but there is nothing I want more for them then to GO. Go and be used. Go and explore. Go and create. Go and learn. Go and dream. Just Go. Tim and I talk often about how we will respond to the possible craziness and chaos they may bring later with good/poor decisions. God, I hope however respond, we do it with love. May they ONLY see love.....





Miss Lizzy, still is just a light in every room. She told me tonight..."you know mom, I'm not sure I want to go to college one day....you know, some people don't....you know, I just want to be a mom, you don't need to go to college for that..." She loves her family well, and surprises me with her gifts of service all the time....There are days I struggle with continuing to homeschool her...it's hard and some days I wonder if she really likes it. Then, there will be days she says..."you know mom, when I have kids, I'm gonna homeschool them...will you help me homeschool them?" I hope she keeps that big smile on her face always.




Little Monkey Hope....where to start?? There are days I think she is the glue to our family. When she's really hungry she says...."God, Thank you, food, amen!" There is no question she knows she's adored. As spoiled as she is, she has learned to play VERY well by herself, and this mama can FINALLY leave the room and get things done while she plays. She is smart, smart, smart! She amazes us. She loves her Daddy and will greet him at the door when he arrives home from work. She loves saying..."hello, daddy! hello, daddy!" And today, she waved at just about everyone in the grocery store and said.."hi ya! " She has her meltdown moments for sure, and informed me today that spankin's "hurt". She is one of the most beautiful gifts I could ever have been given. She gave me a much clearer picture of Christ's love for us. Thank you, dear Hope.

I've said "no" to people more times this year then I have my whole life. Everyone has been precious in asking me to help with design/decorating. I am humbled every time they ask...Not being able to continue like I was doing, did and has felt like a piece of me is missing. I'm thankful for the committal opportunities I have kept that have given me a creative outlet.... otherwise, I truly think I would go crazy. As a sweet friend would say "I'm REALLY good at laundry!", I unfortunately can't even say that, because I detest doing laundry..... but I get what she means.....there are some gifts and talents that shouldn't go in the wash, even in the "seasons" of life. I was recently asked to consider speaking at a women's church event. Believe it or not, I don't find myself a public speaker......She said, "I can tell you aren't thrilled about it"...if you're reading this, I've thought about that day often, and you know I love you. It was more that I really didn't know what to say. What in the world would I even speak to these women about??? I guess we as women, just love to know we're not alone. There is something powerful with seeing God work in your life, and I've said many a'times before, that if we don't share what the Lord is doing in our lives then HOW will people see his works??? I guess we don't share, because the most beautiful work is done in the most dreadful of places, and sometimes you have to show the messy to people in order to reveal the transformation....so just maybe God is mustering up something for me to share....maybe.





maybe it won't be months before I head back over here. If it is, it's because my arms are full like the picture above.

Blessings, Peeps!