Hope

I had played this moment out so many times in my head. What would it be like? What would she think of me? Of us?


Two weeks ago, we were down in Orlando. We decided to tag along with Tim as he had a conference and knew we would enjoy the week there.


We haven't taken too many advantages lately of tagging along with him on business, because of the business in our schedules.


I had just told the few clients I had been working with all year, that I really wanted to finish up their projects hopefully before Thanksgiving, and not work until next fall when the older girls went to High School.

It was hard for me to turn down work, something I love, but I felt so burdened to just say no. I told the girls, and Tim, that I would not work one bit while on vacation and just soak it in.

It was the longest trip we had ever been on together as a family. It was a fabulous hotel, and the girls and I enjoyed 3 days of Universal Studios and just completely bummed around the other three days in the hotel water park, just soaking in our vacation.



One of the nights towards the end of the week, I woke up and couldn't sleep. I told Tim the next day, that I didn't feel right. I couldn't explain it, but I just felt heavy. Very heavy.

I got a text message down there about someone wanting me to meet with a young woman that was so confused about Christianity.

I made my plans that I would call her when I got back in town and we would set a meeting.


The whole weekend, once again, I was wrestling. Not sleeping well, and just really felt like there was a heavy burden on me.


On Monday,  I called this young lady, and she excitedly set up a meeting for Wednesday for Coffee. Tim had headed back out of town for his last travel days of the year. So I was trying to get back on schedule from being gone, finishing up some projects and trying to maneuver kid's schedules. But I simply couldn't shake the heaviness.

From Monday on, I felt like I was in complete spiritual warfare. It was a battle everyday to have things run smoothly. I just was on the verge of tears and just wanted this heaviness to be lifted. It was a rough couple days.

I could only come up with the fact that I was meeting this lady on Wednesday, to share the gospel of Christ and listen to her heart, and that had to be the reason for Satan's attack.

I sought the Lord and prayed like I hadn't in a while. I sought who he was as Father, Son and Spirit and was filled with His Holiness, as I read through His word.

I had a few friends pray for me, and the words they lifted, and the words I read of truth, was something that I never expected to prepare me for later that day.


As I and a dear friend, who is like a spiritual mother to me, headed off to Coffee. We waited and waited, almost 2 hours for the young lady to show. But she didn't.  We called her and no answer. My friend encouraged me, and I shared once again the battle I had faced all week. We left the coffee shop and that is when I got the call.


Someone wanted to come to our house to talk to us.

Tim was heading back from out of town. He never drives in early from a trip, but this day, he was home when I drove up. Working the last couple hours of the afternoon from home.

I told him about our meeting that was about to take place, and so we headed to a quiet room in the house as a friend, shared the current events of the week.


When we heard there was a 2 day baby girl needing our immediate attention and that the birth mom would like to meet us, there wasn't a question. We were on our way to the hospital.


There are a million details we and others experienced on just how powerful our God is. How loving and faithful.; full of grace and mercy. I can't wait to one day document them all. I don't EVER want to forget.


Since, this post is tailing my last on the subject, I wanted to share this...


When we walked into the hospital room, the very first words from the birth mother's mouth, was when she pointed to my nose ring and then pointed to her identical one, and said, "I like it.". And then we embraced.


I can't not tell you what that felt like. It was like a wall had crumbled and connection was made. She would feel comfortable immediately with me mothering her child. And so, my birthday present wasn't all about me, I have no doubt it was about her as well.


We spent the next 21 hours with them and preparing to sign adoption papers.


It was an emotional, difficult, beautiful 21 hours. I was able to spend time with the birth mother on my own. As she held her flesh and blood to say goodbye, we wept together; and we named her precious child together. I will never forget that moment. It was the hardest thing I had ever experienced. I will never forget embracing her and telling her she IS worth something. There is so much hope in her life, when she expressed how hopeless she was. That she is cherished and loved, even when she felt all alone. I told her she was not alone, oh, but I could just feel the weight of the loneliness she carried.  She was brave, so very brave to give her daughter to us to raise, and love as our own. I can not tell you the emotions that filled that room. I don't know if I have ever cried as hard as those minutes right after she walked out the door, as I stared down at my new daughter she had just given me.



To our precious birth Mother,


My heart is so full. I believe I was heavy burdened all week leading up to meeting you, just for you. I believe with all my heart that Our Heavenly Father was preparing me for you, and placing a compassion and love that would be driven deep and wide for you. You choose life. You had opportunity otherwise, but you choose life and a beautiful one for your precious daughter. We can not thank you enough for the gift you have given us. She is the most beautiful creation, and you were brave and most loving to choose to give her a life you wanted for her, but couldn't provide yourself. We will be forever grateful for your mercy you gave her. I want you to know, that you are loved. You have a heavenly Father, that doesn't give up on His children. You may feel extremely alone, but you are not, you are not, you are not. We have seen the Father's hand,work through this whole event, and can testify to His faithfulness and love. Have hope, sweet mother, have hope. Cling to it and believe to be true, because it is truth. It is not too late. It is never too late to fall into the Father's arms. It is not too late to cling to the hope Jesus made for you on the cross, to have peace, and live under the grace poured for you by the Father. Our Heavenly Father, gave His only son, like you gave your only daughter that their might be life. And He provided life abundantly through His Son. And He does want that for you. Please believe it to be true.

We love this precious miracle, with full hearts. She will always know how very much loved she is by you. She will never feel rejection. She will always live with the understanding that you sacrificed for her, and that she was held with so much love from you that you would want her life to be lived to the fullest. She is already adored by so many. Even the ones that haven't laid eyes on her yet. She is cherished. She is growing and doing remarkably well. She is beautiful like you. She is going to have the sweetest soul. We can already tell, and we feel the embrace of our Heavenly Father on her life. He knows her by name, she is His. We will always raise her to cling to hope in Jesus. Her three big sisters adore her, and will be there for her all her days. She will have lots of love and support. She will know a beautiful picture of you by us. She is loved. She will always be told that. She is prayed for. May her life bring others joy, and may her spirit be used to bring others hope.



Thank you. From the deepest parts of our soul.....thank you.



Susan Hope Pilcher......There is much power behind her name.

this reference was scripted on the back of our girl's "adoption" necklace they have worn all year.....

Jeremiah 29:11

English Standard Version (ESV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare[a] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

freedom....

you guys are going to think I'm crazy. And, I'm not going to hide the fact that I am...just a little ;)

 I had absolutely no intentions of blogging about this, until someone asked me a question about it and it made me think.....then I received a couple of messages about people wanting one, but......

 Like most southern conservative Christian upbringing, this is something that people generally didn't have a grey issue on. It was either black or white. I'm not at ALL speaking for Christians. I am only speaking for myself, and how others around me at the time were raised. They have expressed the same feelings, so I feel it okay to not solo myself out on this, but to be able to say it is bigger then just me. 

What you're about to see below came as a surprise gift to me, and for a brief moment (it really was brief), a question flashed before my eyes...."is this going to change the way people think of me?"...

let me back track....

Growing up, there was a lot of things I wanted to do that my parents disagreed with. Don't get me wrong, I am sure my parents had great intentions and even biblical backing, but there was a piece of me that questioned some things. I'm not talking about rebellion, but maybe it could come across like that. I'm just talking about the natural growing up, discovering who you are, and searching and believing what is true versus what people tell you is true. 

Again, I'm not saying that what my parents or others told me was not true, I'm just stating that I feel it very important that everyone (including our children) claim truth for their own, and not because someone told them what to believe or how to do something.  Let me re-enforce this statement...."I am NOT a good parent if my children do what is right because I or someone else told them what to do/believe or not to do/believe.". I want them to do what they believe is right and true, because THEY believe it is right and true. I pray they don't carry that burden of doing the other, because they'll believe their love is given conditionally to them. That's a heavy weight to carry. 

Acting out truth in life is battling with the world anyway; why carry more of a burden that hinders you more then helping you. 

When I was 20 years old I was in such a confused state of the very thing I state above. So much that I doubted everything I did as being good or even what I wanted. I was extremely discontent, yet I "did" everything ( I say this lightly) "right" and the way I was taught or supposed to do.

I could check off my Christian "to do" list, so WHY was I still so lonely and confused?? Shouldn't God be happy with me and fill my discontent because of that checked off list???

I could tell you what was right and wrong. Trust me, I could recite every bible verse proving it. But, what did I believe about it. What acts in my life proved everything to be truth versus words. There was emptiness behind it, instead of a tank of gas fueling it. 

I hit a major depression, and at one point, seriously questioned my existence and reason for continuing to live. Yes, you heard correctly. I was terribly confused about my purpose in life and the weight of what I thought was expected of me was more the I could handle. 

I've told some of you before, I met Jesus as my friend at age 4, but as my Savior at age 20. 

What I was missing in my life was freedom in Christ. I was holding on to a lot of "check mark" Christian standards as my saving grace, instead of basking in the grace poured out for me by a loving Savior that loves me unconditionally, instead of the conditional reasons I had on my list. I exhausted myself with mine and other's christian standards of myself. 

The saddest part about that. It is what it is. If you believe in conditional love, then you love under conditions, and it's a very shallow way of living and loving. Quite frankly, it's bondage for your heart and for the ones around you that you "love". I know this, because that was me. I believe more people leave the church because of this conditional love they feel from the ones they are around; and because of that, believe that is the way our God is and works. 

God showed me very vividly that morning 13 years ago, that I needed Him. He showed me so much love, when I my heart was very ugly. I saw His love run deep and wide for me, like that scripture I repeated at an early age, and it became real. 

I was living the "Old Testament" life, instead of living as though Jesus made a way for me to have a direct relationship with Him. I didn't have to go through my "list" to get to Him. I believed that He carried my list on the cross and paid my way for my eternal relationship with Him. You wouldn't believe all the lies Satan fed me that I believed. I have written a lot down before and it is something that turned my stomach, but also something I could rejoice over that Jesus set me free from. 

The beautiful thing about that list, is that it isn't finished yet. Every time He reveals something new to me or should I say, when I finally see what He has been revealing, I get to experience once again His faithfulness to me, I get to see how deep and wide His love really is. 

So what was the question that sparked this little post???

I have always wanted my nose pierced. I think it's fun and funky, and I love seeing a sparkle on someone's nose. I blame my Nana for her love of bling she passed down to me. 

A few weekends ago for my 33rd bday, my hubby surprised me with taking me to get it done. 

We asked our girlies first if they would be embarrassed that I do that, and on the contrary they thought it would be super cool.

So I did. And I love it. And my kids love it. And my Hubby loves it. 

and the question was.....

Was this a "what the heck" or "does this symbolize something" ?

So, to answer that question, it wasn't a "what the heck", because I do usually think about what I do before I do something. And I guess in a way, anything and everything someone does symbolizes something, whether it's heels to make them taller, or sexier;  a blue scarf to bring out the color of their eyes, or short hair because it's easier for the busy mom to get ready in the morning. The exerciser because they want to live a healthier lifestyle, or teacher because they love to see it when a child "gets it". A teenager that colors their hair black to go goth, or a 50 year old that colors it black to cover grey. 

so, I guess if I had to "symbolize" what it means, I would use the word....freedom. Because I have freedom that Jesus loves me the way I am. He knows my heart. He knows my thoughts. He loves me unconditionally, with or without a sparkle on my nose.  Freedom, I get to add this to my list of lies...

LIE #842..... "nose rings are of the devil or rebellious teenage girls (is there a difference..j/k) and you might burn in hell if you get one especially at 33 years old....or at least it starts the path to it."

Get you some Freedom, Peeps!  Happy Hump Day!