freedom....

you guys are going to think I'm crazy. And, I'm not going to hide the fact that I am...just a little ;)

 I had absolutely no intentions of blogging about this, until someone asked me a question about it and it made me think.....then I received a couple of messages about people wanting one, but......

 Like most southern conservative Christian upbringing, this is something that people generally didn't have a grey issue on. It was either black or white. I'm not at ALL speaking for Christians. I am only speaking for myself, and how others around me at the time were raised. They have expressed the same feelings, so I feel it okay to not solo myself out on this, but to be able to say it is bigger then just me. 

What you're about to see below came as a surprise gift to me, and for a brief moment (it really was brief), a question flashed before my eyes...."is this going to change the way people think of me?"...

let me back track....

Growing up, there was a lot of things I wanted to do that my parents disagreed with. Don't get me wrong, I am sure my parents had great intentions and even biblical backing, but there was a piece of me that questioned some things. I'm not talking about rebellion, but maybe it could come across like that. I'm just talking about the natural growing up, discovering who you are, and searching and believing what is true versus what people tell you is true. 

Again, I'm not saying that what my parents or others told me was not true, I'm just stating that I feel it very important that everyone (including our children) claim truth for their own, and not because someone told them what to believe or how to do something.  Let me re-enforce this statement...."I am NOT a good parent if my children do what is right because I or someone else told them what to do/believe or not to do/believe.". I want them to do what they believe is right and true, because THEY believe it is right and true. I pray they don't carry that burden of doing the other, because they'll believe their love is given conditionally to them. That's a heavy weight to carry. 

Acting out truth in life is battling with the world anyway; why carry more of a burden that hinders you more then helping you. 

When I was 20 years old I was in such a confused state of the very thing I state above. So much that I doubted everything I did as being good or even what I wanted. I was extremely discontent, yet I "did" everything ( I say this lightly) "right" and the way I was taught or supposed to do.

I could check off my Christian "to do" list, so WHY was I still so lonely and confused?? Shouldn't God be happy with me and fill my discontent because of that checked off list???

I could tell you what was right and wrong. Trust me, I could recite every bible verse proving it. But, what did I believe about it. What acts in my life proved everything to be truth versus words. There was emptiness behind it, instead of a tank of gas fueling it. 

I hit a major depression, and at one point, seriously questioned my existence and reason for continuing to live. Yes, you heard correctly. I was terribly confused about my purpose in life and the weight of what I thought was expected of me was more the I could handle. 

I've told some of you before, I met Jesus as my friend at age 4, but as my Savior at age 20. 

What I was missing in my life was freedom in Christ. I was holding on to a lot of "check mark" Christian standards as my saving grace, instead of basking in the grace poured out for me by a loving Savior that loves me unconditionally, instead of the conditional reasons I had on my list. I exhausted myself with mine and other's christian standards of myself. 

The saddest part about that. It is what it is. If you believe in conditional love, then you love under conditions, and it's a very shallow way of living and loving. Quite frankly, it's bondage for your heart and for the ones around you that you "love". I know this, because that was me. I believe more people leave the church because of this conditional love they feel from the ones they are around; and because of that, believe that is the way our God is and works. 

God showed me very vividly that morning 13 years ago, that I needed Him. He showed me so much love, when I my heart was very ugly. I saw His love run deep and wide for me, like that scripture I repeated at an early age, and it became real. 

I was living the "Old Testament" life, instead of living as though Jesus made a way for me to have a direct relationship with Him. I didn't have to go through my "list" to get to Him. I believed that He carried my list on the cross and paid my way for my eternal relationship with Him. You wouldn't believe all the lies Satan fed me that I believed. I have written a lot down before and it is something that turned my stomach, but also something I could rejoice over that Jesus set me free from. 

The beautiful thing about that list, is that it isn't finished yet. Every time He reveals something new to me or should I say, when I finally see what He has been revealing, I get to experience once again His faithfulness to me, I get to see how deep and wide His love really is. 

So what was the question that sparked this little post???

I have always wanted my nose pierced. I think it's fun and funky, and I love seeing a sparkle on someone's nose. I blame my Nana for her love of bling she passed down to me. 

A few weekends ago for my 33rd bday, my hubby surprised me with taking me to get it done. 

We asked our girlies first if they would be embarrassed that I do that, and on the contrary they thought it would be super cool.

So I did. And I love it. And my kids love it. And my Hubby loves it. 

and the question was.....

Was this a "what the heck" or "does this symbolize something" ?

So, to answer that question, it wasn't a "what the heck", because I do usually think about what I do before I do something. And I guess in a way, anything and everything someone does symbolizes something, whether it's heels to make them taller, or sexier;  a blue scarf to bring out the color of their eyes, or short hair because it's easier for the busy mom to get ready in the morning. The exerciser because they want to live a healthier lifestyle, or teacher because they love to see it when a child "gets it". A teenager that colors their hair black to go goth, or a 50 year old that colors it black to cover grey. 

so, I guess if I had to "symbolize" what it means, I would use the word....freedom. Because I have freedom that Jesus loves me the way I am. He knows my heart. He knows my thoughts. He loves me unconditionally, with or without a sparkle on my nose.  Freedom, I get to add this to my list of lies...

LIE #842..... "nose rings are of the devil or rebellious teenage girls (is there a difference..j/k) and you might burn in hell if you get one especially at 33 years old....or at least it starts the path to it."

Get you some Freedom, Peeps!  Happy Hump Day!