another year...why marriage works.

wow, has it really been 4 months since I last posted?!?! I guess I can officially hang up the title that I'm a "blogger"...ha! 

 I guess because the hubs and I just celebrated another year together, I find myself thinking about this more lately. 

I also thought about it as we drove home yesterday from our little get away. I said.. "you know, we're gonna have to fight harder to stay together..." to which he replied..."I know..."



Good. We're on the same page. 



A friend texted me over the weekend and part of her text read..."I'm not disillusioned to think it's perfect(talking about our marriage), but it's evident that God is first and it is blessed..." humbling and encouraging.... whew! I'm glad she sees it as not perfect, because we are not perfect. And I'm convinced in all of our imperfections of life, His perfection shines and is shown. 

I've wondered when I might be "qualified" to write on such a topic. I still don't think I'm "qualified" , and if I were given the opportunity to sit at the feet of a couple that has been married double our marriage time, I would take every opportunity to listen to their wisdom....so with that , this is for you newly weds....

This is why I know marriage works.


I know it works, because when we said "I do".....we had no idea what marriage was really going to look like. 

I know it works, because when we said "I do" I didn't know Tim wasn't going to be able to fulfill all my needs...and vice versa....

I know it works, because when we said "I do", Tim didn't know he was going to have to help his wife get through her "daddy issues"....

I know it works, because when we said "I do" I didn't know there would be a time I would want to just walk away or ignore each other when it got tough. 

I know it works, because when we said "I do", we didn't know that we'd have yelling matches that would last into the wee hours of the morning.

I know it works, because when we said "I do", I didn't know my husband would look me in the face one day and tell me "if you walk out that door, then I will too..." 

I know it works, because when we said "I do", I didn't know that one day, I'd view my husband... the one I looked in the eyes at that alter; the one that made me have butterflies, plan big dreams together, my hero, my lover.....I didn't know that one day I'd view him as my enemy. 

I know it works, because years ago, that husband....my husband, looked me in the eyes and said "I am NOT your enemy....I am FOR you, I am FOR us.".... and those few words, rocked my perspective forever.....


I know it works, because when we said "I do", it's wasn't the only time we said it 17 years ago...it was only the first time we said it.

I know it works, because we say "I do", every single day. No, we HAVE to say it every.single.day. 

But not what was said 17 years ago.... "I, Katie, take thee, Tim, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you."

But more like, "I, Katie, take thee, Tim, every.single. day, to be my husband, my companion, my best friend, my accountability partner, my only lover..... to have and to hold, every.single.day. For times in battle, for times in temptation, for times when we fight struggles that make us want to quit..... when we question each others motives... when we struggle in our sin....when we try to find fulfillment in each other or others, and not Christ. To love, cherish and honor each other.... to point each other to Christ... to view each other as our biggest fan, our proudest supporter; a partner in the crazy life that lies ahead...to make time for each other when time is not available.... to fight for greater purpose. To praise each other big time, but our God bigger. To make decisions together. To listen in our struggles; to fight through each of them and not push each other away.  To serve together and not stray far from each other. To not give opportunity for something to come between us. To hold each other in high respect and value so that we may keep trust. To always strive to stay true to the word, and listen to God's calling for us....and when one strays the other is used to bring him/her back. To view our only enemy as Satan and not each other. That our marriage would be bold, raw and always in need of a Savior; and when we fail in these areas, walk in forgiveness and look for God's grace and mercy to redeem and sustain us. "

This is why I know marriage works. Because it's a choice to say "I do", every.single.day. 

I do, Tim Pilcher, I do. God is good. I Love you. 

Trusting....

don't get too excited....I probably will never blog back to back again....but who knows.

I've sculpted a little bit of time this week for myself, so I'm finding myself in front of the screen.

to be honest, I've carried bags under my eyes for weeks. There are things going on in several precious friend's lives that have brought random streams of tears through out any given moment or time of day....

The "why does bad things happen to good people" statement has echoed through the walls of many in their path.

 Anger towards God has been a discussion. Doubt of His goodness has been questioned. "Why" has been asked too many times to count.



I find myself searching for scripture that brings peace and encouragement... sometimes I'm filled with many, and other times I come up pure blank.

Sometimes it's okay not to know all the answers. Sometimes it's okay to wrestle with truth. Each and every time these emotions rise in me, I'm reminded that it is my flesh battling the great truth. I'll find myself talking with our children in their own trials. I find myself saying..."You have to understand, I can see in front of you because I have been behind you. I've walked that path. Everything your father and I do, is because we want greatness for you. Everything we do for and teach you, is so that you will be guided in a direction that will bring God glory and lessen pain for you. Everything we do and say is to help you, to hopefully bring you a better future, to make a clear path for you....you have to just trust me. Just trust me."

And there it is.....



Trust.

Funny how it will hit you like a ton of bricks to hear words come out of your own mouth that you think God is using for someone else and then you realize, maybe...but it was also used to open your heart to what He was trying to show you.


Trust.


Isn't that really all our God is speaking to us each of us, every.single.day.You will not know. You can not see. You will not understand. BUT..... I do. I can, I will.


Trust me.

Pain is real. It's deep. I hope I never take someone's pain lightly. I hope that it continues to bring bags under my eyes. I hope tears of pain continue to stream. Because where there are streams, then there has to be life. There has to be something that blossoms from the tears. There just has to be. I have to trust that. I have to carry that hope and rest in that trust.

I've been on this Charles Spurgeon kick lately....call me a geek, nerd, whatever....I just find that looking up his words of wisdom just brings some clearer picture of the truth that I've read time and time again in the word.
I've added a few of them, to this blog via Google Images so that they might be used to bring encouragement to you, as you might be battling truth in your own life.

May we rejoice in our trials, for they will be used to tell of His great love for us....and may we trust him with our fragile souls....

testing one, two...testing one, two...

it's like a mic check...I'd almost forgotten my login and password it has been so long since I was last here. Just feeling the keys under my fingertips bring such happiness.



Weird, I know. I wish I could be here more, but life is full. Who would've thought adding another kid would change things?!?! Who would've thought having 4 kids would take up time?!?! Who would've thought that when a mother has spare time, she prefers showering or researching how to get rid of razor burn?!?! Who would've thought?!?!






Life is full. I'm tired, energized, overwhelmed, relaxed, happy, content, thankful and crazy, all bundled up in one.






The "big" girls are finishing up their Freshman year at Northview. They make us proud. We've had some good, hard, easy, loving, hurtful, funny and sad conversations all bundled up in one this year. Just the other night as I talked with them I got a bigger glimpse of their future. I will be sad when they leave our home, but there is nothing I want more for them then to GO. Go and be used. Go and explore. Go and create. Go and learn. Go and dream. Just Go. Tim and I talk often about how we will respond to the possible craziness and chaos they may bring later with good/poor decisions. God, I hope however respond, we do it with love. May they ONLY see love.....





Miss Lizzy, still is just a light in every room. She told me tonight..."you know mom, I'm not sure I want to go to college one day....you know, some people don't....you know, I just want to be a mom, you don't need to go to college for that..." She loves her family well, and surprises me with her gifts of service all the time....There are days I struggle with continuing to homeschool her...it's hard and some days I wonder if she really likes it. Then, there will be days she says..."you know mom, when I have kids, I'm gonna homeschool them...will you help me homeschool them?" I hope she keeps that big smile on her face always.




Little Monkey Hope....where to start?? There are days I think she is the glue to our family. When she's really hungry she says...."God, Thank you, food, amen!" There is no question she knows she's adored. As spoiled as she is, she has learned to play VERY well by herself, and this mama can FINALLY leave the room and get things done while she plays. She is smart, smart, smart! She amazes us. She loves her Daddy and will greet him at the door when he arrives home from work. She loves saying..."hello, daddy! hello, daddy!" And today, she waved at just about everyone in the grocery store and said.."hi ya! " She has her meltdown moments for sure, and informed me today that spankin's "hurt". She is one of the most beautiful gifts I could ever have been given. She gave me a much clearer picture of Christ's love for us. Thank you, dear Hope.

I've said "no" to people more times this year then I have my whole life. Everyone has been precious in asking me to help with design/decorating. I am humbled every time they ask...Not being able to continue like I was doing, did and has felt like a piece of me is missing. I'm thankful for the committal opportunities I have kept that have given me a creative outlet.... otherwise, I truly think I would go crazy. As a sweet friend would say "I'm REALLY good at laundry!", I unfortunately can't even say that, because I detest doing laundry..... but I get what she means.....there are some gifts and talents that shouldn't go in the wash, even in the "seasons" of life. I was recently asked to consider speaking at a women's church event. Believe it or not, I don't find myself a public speaker......She said, "I can tell you aren't thrilled about it"...if you're reading this, I've thought about that day often, and you know I love you. It was more that I really didn't know what to say. What in the world would I even speak to these women about??? I guess we as women, just love to know we're not alone. There is something powerful with seeing God work in your life, and I've said many a'times before, that if we don't share what the Lord is doing in our lives then HOW will people see his works??? I guess we don't share, because the most beautiful work is done in the most dreadful of places, and sometimes you have to show the messy to people in order to reveal the transformation....so just maybe God is mustering up something for me to share....maybe.





maybe it won't be months before I head back over here. If it is, it's because my arms are full like the picture above.

Blessings, Peeps!

The Struggle is Real....take time to breathe.

There was one point in my life, that I contemplated on writing a book.....

THANK God, I didn't ever write one.


I'm sure I'd look back and be Smh(that's an acronym for Shaking My Head....I've just recently learned that...) on half or more of what I would have written...

That is the beauty of aging....You either get wiser, or you get dumber. Hopefully, we're all leaning on the wiser end.

I'm still very much my youth and have boocoodles to learn, but now that I have a few years of some things under my belt, I've experienced several stages of marriage....and as I write this, you and myself are in one of them.





I've learned that raising people is hard. Every single step of the way. Every one.  Tim and I have the....hmmmmm.... let's call it "crazy" blessing of raising a toddler, approaching middle school child, and two high schoolers....all girls. To say that our home is a gigantic mood swing, would be an understatement......God Bless, Tim Pilcher.....I love that man...

When we were starting the process of adoption, many people thought we were crazy...no really. We had people tell us "why would we want to possibly hinder our 'perfect' family??"... I think it's safe to say, that at that point a couple years ago that, #1. we weren't perfect (and never will be), but #2. we did have more of our crap together. Which is one reason I write this today.


I've shared before of my struggling in our early part of marriage with perfectionism...how I literally had to mop our white linoleum floors (those are of the devil if you have children, BTW....) every night before bed...if that tells you anything. God had to do some major work in my life at that time to free me of that struggle. Not the clean floors, but the control of getting them clean.....keeping them clean....and letting that clean floor give me that sense that because they were spotless, my life could be also. I had it under control...until the juice spilled, or the plate of spaghetti dropped. Kind of like life....it all seems fine and sparkly clean until in a matter of minutes you feel like all the shit hit the fan...

Since adopting Hope, I've had some of those old feelings creep back in....at times I honestly have to walk away, close a door and tell myself "Jesus fills your cup, Katie..." over and over again. If I don't....beware of mama bear. Juggling 4 lives....4 individuals, 4 schedules, 4 tender hearts.... can have you in severe panic/survival mode...the worst mode I could ever want to be in, but a ride I have ridden more then once in our marriage.

I'm getting a more clear understanding of why marriages fall apart during these years....

A friend posted a question on FB about what a mom would want to do with an hour all to herself...what gets her recharged for the next day...heck, the next few minutes. I responded with needing to just BREATHE...


I would love the paint my nails that have been neglected forever, clean my floors, take a bath, take a nap, go shopping...but in all honesty...I need breath to be filled back in me.


For many people it could be different, but when I came across this article floating around , I could totally relate. I've sworn on this piece of writing forever. The most help (at least through these many years) that Tim Pilcher can be to me is getting me out of the house for some new breath....to take me and date me. To want time with me. And that takes work. Four lives....four souls....not including our own. They all tick tock to a fine tuned schedule. Every day is filled with something. Every day, there will be an expectant though. Every day there will be another mountain to climb, whether it be the unexpected stomach bug that hits your home, the family member that gets cancer, the car that won't start, or the other tennis shoe that can't be found....

Through each and every circumstance, whatever it may be...one of the number one things that I believe will help us and the next generation, is seeing Christ lived out in our marriages. And that is a hard pill to swallow sometimes....but one of the most rewarding acts to be apart of.

Christ died for His church. Sacrificed and gave for His bride. Commitment isn't just fulfilling an obligation...it's engaging in it. It's to hold fast to something....to not let it go.... Life can make that so hard to not only keep, but to flourish it. To not be just room mates, but to be ONE.


This morning I got a call from the hubs asking me to dinner tonight. To know the preparation it will take to go out tonight, the jerseys that will need to be washed for tomorrow's game, the deadline on the project, the babysitter you have to line up, the patch that will need to be sewn on the Tae Kwon Do uniform, the grocery store run, the dinner prepared for your kids so you don't feel guilty for them eating cereal for dinner three nights in a row, or the shower you want to get so you at least SMELL attractive to your spouse... IT'S HARD MAMAS, I hear ya!! It.is.hard.





 But I'm telling ya...GO, it is worth it....GO! If you don't keep making time for your spouse, you will slowly lose your spouse.....It won't even seem purposely that you did, but because you weren't purposeful with them, it was.



One time, I was so tired for a date night out, that we ordered in...we locked ourselves in the bedroom....next thing ya know, Tim is taking the plate of food off of my lap....yep, I fell asleep while eating it...true story.... at least we tried. So, I get it Mamas....I really DO get it...

We're in a season, but every single stage of life is a new season... to each, a new or different challenge...It's worth the fight through it, and for it though. I know one day, our kids will thank us for it.

helllllooooooooo out there....

Miss you guys, but I have a little toddler, (aka: Tasmanian Devil as of late) on my hands that keeps me busy....

This pic was from yesterday...she was upset I put her down from holding her, and the pic on the right makes my face like Hope's when we have a house showing and she keeps doing this to every room.

I told our Realtor that I hope the people like toys that he was showing the house to....it is what it is...


In all honesty, this little girl has all of our hearts...

She brings so much joy to our lives. She keeps me super busy, as she "investigates" everything. And I wouldn't be surprised if she's potty trained in the next 2 mos, because she tells us when she's "pooped".....and reminds us that it's "yucky", when we are changing her.


Yep, she's talking....quite a bit. She can tell us just about everything she wants. But she will repeat or try to repeat exactly what you say.

Our older girlies are on the school soccer team...

I feel like that entitles me to a soccer mom car decal.....I'm joking. If I had a decal for everything we had our hands in, I'd need a 15 passenger van to display....

Life with four kiddos, a dog that decides to vomit on the only carpet in the house right before a showing, and a super hunk of a hubs keeps us going, going. But I wouldn't want it any other way. Our life is full.

Our little home front is still on the market. If it doesn't hurry up and sell, I'll be on to the next project in it.... like ripping out our master bedroom ceiling, because the hubs discovered we had a tongue and grove ceiling in there...what what!!

We have precious friends that moved on our street. Elizabeth has played with her friend almost every day since their move. I would be lying if I told you that she wants to move....I mean, hello!, who wants to leave a friend you can take adventures with everyday! Not to mention, the mama is truly one of the greatest.

Whatever God has in store for our little family (can we say little anymore??? I mean, there's 6 of us..), we are ready to take on that adventure...even if that means, our house sells and God sends us to China....

For those of you reading, stop freaking out.... we have no plans to move to China. Tim and I just joke because, we've been in a relationship with God long enough to know that we shouldn't hold on to our plans too tightly, His may be waaaaaaaayyyyy different then ours.

That's what He does to us sometimes... Katie wants to build a house...God wants...(fill in the blank)...

And I'm okay with that, because I'd rather pray "His will be done", and not my own. But I'd be lying if I said that I'd be a little sad if I had to throw my drawings of our new nest aside.

But He hasn't failed us yet. Through hardships and change, His love is greater and shines brighter through every season of our life. I just need to be reminded of that more often then not. I'm pretty sure that's why He takes us on these rides....trust.

Hoping your 2015 is starting out with a reason to trust and rest in your Father's love.

Happy Friday, peeps!