I could see it flashing before my eyes, and my heart raced a little; okay, maybe a lot.
How many of you remember Middle School?
As our girls were approaching the double digits, we had parents of teens say to us daily, "just wait.". They would say it about anything and everything. When the girls would ask for money for this or that, they would say "just wait"; if they would talk back, just wait; if they were still eating portions off the kid's menu, just wait; how about their disgust for boys....JUST WAIT.
It was always so negative sounding, I almost started to dread it myself. But what about the kids? What do they go through?
How many of you remember the day you grew independent? Maybe it wasn't Middle school, but I can promise you, those were the years I was finding out who I was and what I thought about life. It was when I chose friends, or they chose me. I agreed with my parents or disagreed. I loved, I hated. They were trying times, no doubt, but also some of the most fun had.
I started really pondering our girl's next couple years. Homeschooling our girls was NEVER an option in my mind. I didn't want to....period. I knew what it would take. I knew what I wanted for them and it wasn't that. Until.......the middle school years approached, and I could see it...
They were going to be gone before we knew it. Every year, school work got harder, extra curricular activities filled up our only free time, drama amongst the peers made for late nights, and it made me want to rush them through. Yes....... I just said that.
Kind of like when you can't wait for your baby to hold her own bottle, then walk, talk, use the potty, etc. We all want to rush the more trying times in life, don't we? To hurry up and make it through to greener pastures. Then.... you wish you could go back in time, at least for a few minutes and soak up just a little bit more time with them as you cuddled and fed them, and even changed that diaper.
It wasn't worth it; I rushed it for what??
What lesson are we teaching our girls if we just rush them through. If we just tell them to "grin and bear it". Will they know what that even means? What will happen to them during those times? The hardest lessons for me, even now, is to not just rush through the tough times, but embrace them. God allowed them in my life, for a reason. For good. Some how, some way. What would I miss, if I just rushed through and didn't embrace the trial in search for what He wanted to show me? Would I miss the work of the Holy Spirit in my life? Would I miss seeing His provisions and faithfulness to me? I can dance in greener pastures, but can I not in the desert?
The girl's begged me for years to Home School them. I knew they would be glad too. Tim was supportive either way. Something in my heart just kept pressing me shortly after closing the store. I just wanted to enjoy these Middle School years. Do they have to be dreaded? I refused to believe that they couldn't be enjoyed. I'm not saying that they couldn't be if we were in public or private schooling. And I'm not saying it's all roses here in the corner of our little school room. It's just our time was so filled, even when we were so careful in planning, it still was so much, that at times I just wanted to go back in time; at least for a few minutes and just be able to soak up just a little more.
Some Mama's cry the whole Senior Year because it's "their last", but I was seeing 9th grade as the pistol start of a race that would finish before we knew it. And we say..."this is life", and your right, but we have a choice how we live it.
So we chose Homeschooling 7th and 8th grade. Why? Because we don't want to fall into the dreaded Middle School years, but instead, soak up every last second with our girls before we blink, and their gone.
As I type, I realize, our plans are not always God's plan. And if they change, I am just thankful I have had this time to soak up more then I would have the last couple months. There are moments, I still feel as though I will go crazy. And moments, they walk in the room while I'm reading or blogging and I give them a "talk to the hand". Even times, I feel like giving up,or totally inept, because it is just plain hard.
And then I remember why we are doing this...... I trust that this is His plan for us, for right now; and I can rest in that. Our girls are worth all the work. They are worth me toting grammar and science books around town for me to study as I have any length of "free" time anywhere. They are worth fighting to pronounce a word, I haven't even heard of, or falling asleep with an Algebra book on my chest. They are even worth the 4:25am alarm clock. I thank God that our conversations are good, even the hard ones. I'm thankful they have enjoyed each day of this new adventure so far, and hope that our big girls will look back at these middle school years with memories that will make them smile, because I know it will us.